ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY

Lots of things I wish to say 
I think about you every day
I miss your laugh
I miss your smile
Neither lost nor forgotten...
I imagine them often

It just doesn’t seem real that you’re not around
I’ll never forget  the 26th of October...
As I sat on the bed, tears filled my eyes….
I found myself looking for you…..
Until I realized what was true...

I will never again see your wave and your smile...
We won’t stand on the street and visit for a while…
No visiting to cool bar.. no cigarettes with thumps up with u….
No “what are you doing tonight” or “I’ll see ya tomorrow”…
All of these things, I cherish so dearly …
In my heart, I remember so clearly…


I still talk to you ...
I know you can hear me…
Today I spoke of you and before I finished my sentence….
I could feel your presence...
Then .. a coincidence, or was it a sign?
The song that reminds me of you began to play…
“pehali nasar mein” …. With strumming
As If you knew I was thinking of you this day...
I smiled.. feeling you were there with me …
Again... I sat remembering…
Tears filled my eyes as I listened to the song.
But this time I accepted that you are gone.

Its getting an year..
Seems like forever….
I’ve asked myself and I’ve talked to God…..
How could he take you away for so long?
The only answer that makes any sense is ….
You’re in God’s hands now… 
As he planned
Watching us from above…
An Angel in heaven who will always be loved.....

BLANKNESS.........

Identity

Take a glance at me, 
what you see is not my true identity
Like everyone I have a covered identity, 
I wish always if you'd ever see, 
Its all about my thoughts, my deeds 
And whole my life till now makes me
But there are lots of things I may do 
But they can’t ever may not describe me.

My true identity has changed me, 
Changed  me to another to my friends and my family
My true identity is all that makes me .which  completes my life cycle

I am lost deep inside
If it’s not for my soul
I would be lost again
My true identity 
Is hard to see.

Once there was my buddy who knows what I am

And what my identity is… but he played an unfair game with me made me alone

Then now another came began to know everything my true identity

Try to Accept who you are
Recognize your own beauty
Identity isn't a need, 
Your identity should be your own
A better person you will be known 
This is me, this is my identity
My true identity is all full of beauty. 

photo courtesy: Alisina.org

Life Cycle

When I began to miss lots of things , I thought everything have an end….I began to believe that, because everything has got changed and began to roll on a smooth track…but now I know everything I believed is an illusion…… like a magician showing a trick, with his magic wand…. We will see an awesome life ahead….like an illusion  ... After that its same tough life cycle……like when we saw a magic we truly know it’s completely fake.. It’s just a trick by magician….. But still our mind will believe its true…. And that’s the power of illusion…. And the same thing is happening in our life… any time anywhere we will face that illusion is over…and then we will be in such a situation asking what next..???? 

Even I don’t know what next… am smiling, and trying to make others happy…. And that’s the only thing we could do….

Someone says

 “don’t stop chasing your dreams, dreams do come true” …. 

But the fact is not all the dreams…….. I will say do see lots of dreams… after all it’s the only option left behind…. It’s completely our own thing nobody can’t do anything with that… …… 

BLANKNESS...

                                                                                                                                                   Photo Courtesy: Matthias Newme 

                

Dream

I loved my dreams more than yours .......

Because 

It was only you in my dreams......

Missingz....

Life, sufferings, feelings, missing, distance... There are lots of things I cannot stand… but most of the times this is the way of life. We got apart and meet only over phone or net….and when we are those moments are like heaven and I wish it will never end…..For me whenever I am always from those I love.. , my love towards them has only deepened. Every minute I am away and think about them made me realize me how much I need them, how much I am incomplete without them…

Still I wish there will be no moment I got to be away... and when it comes just wish it ends soon…because it’s a pain not to be with them

These distances of path…between our eyes… between our relationships….. I wish I could erase all these ….. I don’t know y you are this much far from me… am not sure am I moving towards to you or moving far away from you... you were with me in my struggles….. These distances makes me closer to you….but I am trying to bury it in a coffin….

Sometimes I wish that my love got blossomed …….but I won’t pray that to god … I have only one prayer to God… listen to your prayer……

                                           Photo Courtesy : Rano♥A♥ Photographey ♥

Friendship day...

once there was a Guy am calling him as “I”...and a girl am calling her as “Z” both of them were good friends… but there was another guy am calling him as “J” .. He loved “Z” more than anything but she didn’t in return.……..

               Possessiveness is a thing that makes a lover to fight for his girl… “J” went to “I”, and got in to fight... at last they became friends… then they became best friends…they used  to be always together in happiness, sadness each and every moment of their life...at last” J” left this world without a reason  made his best friend alone in this world which don’t care about love & Friendship…….

        For every friendship there is story behind it …..

This is my story…." J" Love u man… mis u like hell…..

I know you are there in the world of clouds………….listening all my words, my heart beat and understanding my feelings.....

Happy friendship day my bro……Without you this day is worst ever..... 

"" Best Friendship happens only once in our life no one in the world can replace that person, if we lose them...""

CRYING INSIDE

I learn to laugh in front of all while am crying inside... don’t know what you are searching for…..it was just a small time I spend with u…. for me it was my life time… don’t know y u r so much interested in my tearful eyes….. What u r trying search in my tears… I tried to hide a storm inside me….once it was a dreamland but now nothing left inside…..you taught me to love to laugh to live…. When u came to me it was full f blankness inside ….. U hold my hand.. Began to walk with me…….don’t know when u start to walk away from me…. I don’t blame u for anything & u doesn’t owe me anything… I don’t like to explain my feelings to you... It will die along with me…. Now am walking away from u like a stranger…. Because its d best thing I can do 4 u…..am keeping everything in my eyes……I won’t cry ..Because I don’t want to lose that along with d tears…….don’t want anything……

BLANKNESS………..

Only ME

The moment flows by like a breeze……

Silences of deep blue sky….

There is no earth below….

There is no sky above….

The things around you will say….

That only you are here…..

And yes it’s only me…

My breath and My heartbeat …

Such Calmness … such Quietness and

ONLY ME…….

Now I can believe am still alive…..

Hugging the wind

I heard a whisper at my window

It’s a night with full f darkness

With a small fear I opened my window

A wind blows gently through my hair

And hugged me…. Like my best friend

Suddenly I felt like it’s my buddy

I lay on my bed like as always

And yes it’s the rainy night

I can hear the sound of rain

Now it’s like the guitar tabs of my buddy

Wondering how I felt my buddy’s presence

And if it would last forever

But then I realize that

Not everything lasts forever

But it will keep coming

And am waiting eagerly to feel his presence

Reality

Reality is what we feel..... If you can feel anything when you close your eyes... believe me that’s the real reality......

BE FREE

One man's junk is another man's treasure. Family and friends and what not might mean everything to you but other folks just enjoy doing crazy dangerous things instead of cuddling with their loved ones. You can't blame me for that. We’re free to do whatever the hell we want with our lives as long as we don't put other in danger. And emotionally hurting others , for me dying is definitely not counting.................

Falling again

Whole life am tryin 
Tryin to make something out of nothing 
Swear  myself I wouldn't care 
Sometimes you're making me a liar 
But its my time makin me to do so
Save me I'm falling again 
You are the only one that can
Save me from breakin' in a million pieces 
Whole life whatever  I do 

There's nowhere, nowhere to go ........

IT'S RAINING.......

I will say make a walk in the rain

Am sure rain will take away your pain

Any doubt on dat..?? , make a try..

It will mix up with all your emotions and worries

And at the end it will drain your pain and worries

All of those you heard in STORIES……

A bad story of doubt and negativity

Never let a second person to tell you what you do

Because it’s your life………

Never let a place for a third person

It may all come back instantly….what ever

You could feel the pleasure of being in rain

You could feel the love of nature……

But take a lil care about lightning and mangos

Live your life as you please with ease

Don’t care about others .. it’s all yours………

FROM THE VAULT... ( written 4 a magazine 6 years before)

To ,

Miss Magnetism

Angle of deflection

Maxwell

My dear dearest mercy magnet,

        I just saw you in the vernier park yesterday and from then on my heart has been vibrating in SHM in the position of Tana, in the region of two perpendicular fields. You looked too beautiful and angelic. You were so attractive that the NP of my heart moved towards SP of your heart. The deflection of your eyes made an image on the corner mirror of my heart. The reflection of your face and the musical frequency of your voice changed me

        As you were in the company of your friends, my metal resistance prevents me from coming to you. I request you to meet me at the resistance box near the whetstone’s bridge, beside Meter Bridge on faraday’s kilowatt hour. If you don’t come to circuit my heart, my heart will break and I shall be forced to commit suicide at the neutral point over the nodes river antinode reservoir.

                                                With lots & lots of OHM

                                                                 Your' s chargefully

                                                                 Electricity

From,

        Mr: Electricity

        Potential road

        Watt & Volt building

        252 Deby

        Microwaver

TRUTH.......

Some friends come and go,

other ones in your life, they'll glow.

But no one can replace him

At times you'll pour your heart out,

At times you'll feel you need to scream and shout.

Sometimes they'll find someone new,

they may never talk to you again,

leaving you in the blue,

without any friends.

Day by day, comes and goes

And still you have no one to turn to,

No one to listen to all your woes.

To this day I still have no friend

now I am waiting for him, to come back again.

i know its utter foolishness.....

So now I'll just sit up and wait,

in my cold bed, up so late.

For all I know that they could be deceased.

All these feelings that I've built up inside,

Will never be released………………………..

blankness

MOM .....

Mom lives in a very that world, SMALL

It begins and ends at us

Husband, kids, home

We all are the only life 4 them

She is that in to it….

What we called is restricted..!!!

Sometimes we need to think

From their point of view….

And it’s our duty to look after them

We should love them

We should always keep them happy….

A small hug, kiss will make them feels heaven…

And in their whole life, they are waiting

For that feel,

That can happen always or once in their life time

Be with them and always…. Don’t let them feel alone

LOVE YOU MOM……….

Alone as always....

I don't know what the hell is my problem..... what ever I earn am loosing it twice faster ..  But now I think ,I came to know that its the demon in me that doing everything... Yes I don't know how to talk & behave . I hate this fucking world who treats.. being open minded and expressive , as a crime .... "Change yourself , you know, you need to change a lot".....sorry to say I don't even know what I need to change.....!!!!  

I treat and talk to everyone from my own point of view...""BIG MISTAKE"

On everything... I don't know about anything anymore, it seems like whenever I need help no one is there or someone just makes it worse... honestly, I feel like I'm drowning, and I don't even know if I can be helped anymore...I give up. Usually, I wouldn't say things like this, but right now, I feel empty & hopeless and just... I can't even think about positive shit anymore.... I just give up on everything.. why do I bother trying, nothing good ever happens to me anyways, I am truly alone & hopeless......

BLANKNESS.......

കാത്തിരിപ്പു

 ഒരു മാത്ര കണ്ടു
ഒരു ജന്മം കൊതിച്ചു
അറിയില്ല ഓമനേ
കാണുമോ ഒരിക്കല്‍ കൂടി .............


 എന്‍ ഹൃദയം തുടിക്കുന്നു
എന്‍ മിഴികള്‍ കാത്തിരിക്കുന്നു
നിന്‍ വരവിനായി
ഈ ജന്മം ഇല്ലെങ്കിലും
വരും ജന്മത്തിലെങ്കിലും
വരില്ലേ പ്രിയേ
എന്‍ ജീവിത നവ്കയില്‍ ........


 കഴിയില്ല പ്രിയേ
ജന്മ ജന്മന്ദര ബന്ദം
മറക്കുവാന്‍
ആയിരം കാതം അകലെയാണെങ്കിലും
കാതിരിപ്പൂ നിന്‍ വരവിനായി...

The very lonely days

The very lonely days are yet to come,

My heart beats always & says to me.

I am very afraid to be alone.

You were with me each days,

Supporting me on my falls.

You were with me each moments,

When someone left me, who is my dear one.

You were with me each seconds,

When my heart beats hard of fear

You were with me in each dismay

When I cried out without showing u,

You found that tears and wiped it .

But now am afraid of one day,

When you will not be with me

                                Such Case…..?????

from ,

YOUR LOVING GOOD FRIEND

Our Friendship.....

जो  भी  मैं  केहना  चाहूं ,

बर्बाद  करें  अलफ़ाज़  मेरे ,

अलफ़ाज़  मेरे ....

Your FRIENDSHIP made by God with his hands.........
He Poured his unconditional LOVE in to your FRIENDSHIP....
But he LOVED  one of you more than the other...........
And give him the right to control his Friendz life......
With that he made the other one CRY.....
But now.....
Pouring that unconditional LOVE on the other...
Given by GOD.....

LOVE YOU MAN MISS YOU LIKE HELL...

വിശപ്പ്....

വഴിയില്‍ കണ്ട ഒരു കാഴ്ച, എല്ലാവരിലും എത്തണ്ട ഒരു ശകലം.. 


ഞാന്‍ കലൂര്‍ സ്റ്ടിയം റോഡില്‍  നില്കുവായിരുന്നു ,അവിടെ അത്യാവശ്യം


 തിരക്ക് ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു , ആ തിരക്കിനിടയില്‍ ഒരാള്‍ ഒരു പഴയ ബൈക്ക് 


ആയിട്ടു വന്നു . എന്നിട്ട് ആ തിരക്കുള്ള റോഡില്‍ അയാള്‍ ആ ബൈക്ക് 


കൊണ്ട് ഒത്തിരി സാഹസികം ആയി ഓടിക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങി . അവിടെ 


ഉണ്ടായിരുന്ന എല്ലാവരും അയാളെ തന്നെ നോക്കി കൊണ്ട് 


ഇരിക്കുവായിരുന്നു . അപകടം ഉണ്ടാവാന്‍ സാദ്യത ഉണ്ടെങ്കിലും എല്ലാവരും 


അത് കണ്ടു ആസ്വദിച്ചു  കൊണ്ട് തന്നെ ഇരുന്നു .


കുറച്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞു അയാള്‍ ബൈക്ക് ഓടിക്കുന്നത് നിര്‍ത്തി , എന്നിട്ട് റോഡിന്‍റെ 


നടുവില്‍ വന്നു നിന്നു എന്നിട്ട് എല്ലാവരെയും നോക്കി ഒരേ ഒരു വാക്ക് 


പറഞ്ഞു 


"" നിങ്ങള്ക്ക് വിശപ്പിന്റെ വില അറിയുമോ ""      ഇത്രെയും മാത്രം പറഞ്ഞു 


അയാള്‍ എല്ലാരുടെം മുന്നില്‍ കൈനീട്ടന്‍ തുടങ്ങി 


അവിടെ കൂടി നിന്നവര്‍ വേറെ ഒന്നും മിണ്ടിയില്ല അവരാല്‍ പറ്റുന്ന രീതില്‍ 


എല്ലാവരും അയാളെ സഹായിച്ചു . അയാള്‍ പറയുന്ന രീതിയില്‍ ഉള്ള 


വിശപ്പ്‌ ഞാന്‍ ഇതുവരെ അനുബവിചിട്ടില്ല .. എന്നിട്ടും  ആ ഒരു 


വാചകത്തില്‍ എനിക്ക് അയാള്‍ പറഞ്ഞ വിശപ്പ  എന്താ എന്ന് 


മനസ്സിലാക്കാന്‍ കഴിഞ്ഞു .